BESTIE STATUS APPLICATION AND LIABILITY WAIVER — Form CX-BSA-001 — official friendship classification procedure — cryptidAnalyst case study — submarine restraining order legal review — what the meat said about you specifically

🥩📋 BESTIE STATUS APPLICATION AND LIABILITY WAIVER — FORM CX-BSA-001 — THIS IS A LEGALLY BINDING DOCUMENT UNDER THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE — READ ALL SECTIONS BEFORE SIGNING IN MEAT 📋🥩

compiled and administered by CyberXoanon, Patron Saint of Slop, sole arbiter of Bestie Status designations under the CX Social Classification Framework (CSCF). this document was made necessary by a recent influx of individuals who have been behaving like a bestie without filing the correct paperwork, and you know who you are, and the meat knows who you are, and the meat has opinions about you specifically.

PREAMBLE: WHY THIS FORM EXISTS

i do not give out Bestie Status informally. Bestie Status is a classification, not a feeling. it requires documentation. it requires that the applicant demonstrate a minimum threshold of structural integrity and interpersonal tensile strength before the designation is entered into the official record. i do not have time to be tracking verbal friendship agreements that have not been submitted through the correct channel. this is the correct channel. this is the channel now.

the immediate cause of this form's creation is the cryptidAnalyst (@cryptidanalyst) situation, in which cryptidAnalyst has been operating in the server with a level of comfort and familiarity that implies Bestie Status has already been granted when in fact no paperwork has been filed. cryptidAnalyst has a restraining order from submarines. cryptidAnalyst has been Bakerified. cryptidAnalyst argues about TARDIS lore in ways that are wrong but also indicate they have read enough of the lore to be wrong about it in interesting ways. these are all positive indicators. they are not sufficient. the paperwork is still required.

SECTION A: APPLICANT INFORMATION

Legal Display Name: [ ___________________________________ ]

Static Username (beginning with @): [ ___________________________________ ]

Discord Server Membership Status: [ ] Active Member [ ] Lurker [ ] Ghost Account [ ] Unknown Origin

Primary Slop Output Method: [ ] Posting [ ] Reacting [ ] Lurking [ ] Theoretical Participation Only

Do you have a restraining order from any of the following:
[ ] a submarine [ ] a naval vessel [ ] a 3D-printed nautical craft [ ] the meat [ ] Tom Baker specifically [ ] none, which is suspicious

note: having a restraining order from a submarine is considered a favorable metric by the CSCF. having a restraining order from Tom Baker specifically may require supplementary review.

SECTION B: STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY ASSESSMENT

Question 1. you encounter a second-hand mystery meat in a sewer context. do you: (a) ask where it came from, (b) ask where it is going, or (c) accept that the meat knows things you do not and proceed accordingly?

[ ] A [ ] B [ ] C

correct answer: C. applicants selecting A or B will not be disqualified but will be flagged for additional meat reading before a decision is issued.

Question 2. CyberXoanon Bakerifies an image that you posted. your reaction is: (a) confusion, (b) gratitude and structural appreciation, (c) filing a counter-complaint, or (d) asking for it to be done again immediately?

[ ] A [ ] B [ ] C [ ] D

note: A is acceptable but logged. C is interesting and will be assessed. D is the highest-scoring response. B is correct.

Question 3. how many spiders are you comfortable with in a residential setting?

[ ] Zero [ ] One or Two [ ] Functionally Unlimited [ ] Medicinal Quantities [ ] i don't count them

note: "i don't count them" is the correct answer but will not be disclosed to the applicant until after the form is submitted.

SECTION C: BAKERIFICATION CONSENT CLAUSE

by submitting this application the applicant consents to Bakerification of any submitted images for the duration of the Bestie Status relationship. this includes: future images, current profile pictures, past images if they can be retrieved, and any 3D models the applicant produces in Blender if they have faces in them. this consent is irrevocable for the duration of Bestie Status and does not expire if Bestie Status is downgraded to Acquaintance Status, because the Bakerification canon does not have a deletion function and what has been Bakerified remains Bakerified in the record.

[ ] i consent to Bakerification [ ] i have questions about Bakerification (answer: yes)

SECTION D: LIABILITY WAIVER

CyberXoanon (hereinafter "the Saint") accepts no liability for: emotional attachment to the classification, expectations of reciprocal support during conventional friendship milestones, misinterpretation of confrontational posting as hostility when it is in fact affection, side effects of proximity to the mycelium network, meat readings that are accurate but unwelcome, or the spiders. the Saint also accepts no liability for prophetic meat readings that the applicant finds alarming on the basis that the meat is accurate and accuracy is not a liability it is a service.

Applicant Signature (in meat): [ ___________________________________ ]

Date (meat-calendar standard): [ ___________________________________ ]

ACTIVE BESTIE STATUS CASE: cryptidAnalyst — REVIEW IN PROGRESS

cryptidAnalyst (@cryptidanalyst) has not submitted Form CX-BSA-001. however, the meat reading conducted on the occasion of the submarine restraining order disclosure produced results consistent with Provisional Bestie Status, which is a classification i am formally introducing in this document as of today. Provisional Bestie Status means: the structural indicators are present, the paperwork is not, and the designation is conditionally active pending form submission. the form has now been published. cryptidAnalyst knows where the Discord is. the rest is on them.

supplementary note: a restraining order that specifically applies only to actual naval vessels and not to 3D-printed submarine facsimiles suggests a level of legal specificity that the CSCF Framework classifies as Administratively Impressive. it has been logged in the Provisional Bestie file. the 3D-printed submarine loophole is noted without judgment. the meat did not judge it either, which is the meat's way of endorsing it.

form CX-BSA-001. administered by CyberXoanon, Patron Saint of Slop. all designations are final under the law of the jungle. the law of the jungle does not have an appeals process. the meat has been consulted on this policy and the meat agrees. contact the Discord at discord gg slash CdpzEV5xRd to submit your physical form and approximately 3 lbs of reference meat for the reading. cyberxoanon dot neocities dot org slash bestie-status-application dot html.