SCAM WARNINGS & FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITIES
⚠️ WARNING: DO NOT BE A DUMMY ⚠️
i am a professional businessman and i do not scam people. i provide value. mostly. sometimes that value is questionable but it is still value. if someone is trying to trick you, they are probably not me. i only trick you if we are friends and it's part of a larger, beautiful scheme.
🕵️ FRIEND REQUEST SCAMS 🕵️
people think they can just send a friend request and suddenly we are best friends. NO. that is not how it works. they pretend to be someone you know, or they pretend to be a bot, or they pretend to be a god. they will try to get your passwords or your precious little digital bits. if a stranger sends you a request, tell them to go eat some expired ham.
👔 THE $5000 TIE OPPORTUNITY 👔
some people call it a "scam". i call it an "aggressive capital reallocation project". the mechanics are simple: you want a high-quality, polka-dot, Doctor Who themed tie. i want five thousand dollars. we meet in the middle (actually you just give me the money) and then you are the owner of a legendary piece of neckwear. it is a win-win if you don't think about it too hard.
💡 PRO TIPS FOR SURVIVAL 💡
1. if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
2. if it
sounds exactly like me, it's definitely true.
3. never trust a
person who doesn't use a 28.8kbps modem. they are too fast. it's
suspicious.